Worst Jokes Ever
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?
A family portrait.
What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
What do you call a cat that walks slowly?
CATerpillar
Why are they called "breaking news" in the entire world?
Because they are breaking the whole entire news.
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!
Huggy Wuggy big big Huggy Wuggy big big big big Huggy Wuggy laugh laugh smooch smooch Huggy Wuggy *insert clapping noise*
What is the orphan's version of a family portrait?
A selfie.
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back to it.
Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mama.
Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
What country has been the hottest in recent years?
Sri Lanka, they had 3 bombs in a day!
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!