Worst Jokes Ever

Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.

I want an almond-flavored biscuit.

I want an almond-flavored biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am!

A friend asked what an acorn is.

I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.

I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.

Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?

"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."

The officer said, "There is no traffic."

The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?

Because this teen just started her period!

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

Why do orphans not buy a keyboard? Because they can’t use the home button.

Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it always comes back.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

A B C D E F G H I see a bitch in front of me.