Told Jokes

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Evan this is mya and your mom told me u were adopted so we are done bye don’t talk to me

I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dads friend and I would take him home, he just curled up into a ball and started crying, kidnapping must be easy.

My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11"

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back. ANDI still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES.

My friend that use to be married was making jokes about me being short then I told him you're marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal

One day when I driving around our children's school with my wife she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did we hear a loud, long scream.

my wife accused me of cheating I told her she started to sound like my wife

What do you call a traffic light tell to me it told don't look I am changing

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I took the trash to the recycling bin and two days later my mom told me asked me where’s your sister and I said in the recycling line to be turned into a bottle

I told my fam a joke

They all looked at me weird and one person even said “I’m sorry”

What did the potato say when the sweet potato told by to hurry ?

I yamm

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One day I went to my friend's apartment and he told me to make myself home. I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors

My sister told me words don't hurt her so I chucked a dictionary at her.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite, I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.