Told jokes

After sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, the lead singer of Blackbriar told her friend all about it: "Ik zora cock!"

One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.

As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.

They told me I could never be an actor.

No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.

Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?

Bryce: What?

Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!

P.S. I'm a girl.

A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say "Thank God" and to stop the horse, to say "Hallelujah". The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled "Hallelujah" and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said "Thank God".

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.

A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.

I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

Yo' mama is so stanky, her Sure deodorant got confused and her Secret deodorant told on her.

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."

"What was your first impression on him?"

"I told him, she calls me daddy too."

My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.

She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.

My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.

Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.

One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.