Time jokes

Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.

what's the worst thing to say to an emo?

if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?

They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?

They're both gay and use knives.

FREE MY ÑIGGA EDP HE INNOCENT ONCE UPON A TIME I WENT OVER TO HIS HOUSE AND HE FARTED SO GAHDAMN MUCH INTO MY MOUTH THAT I STARTED DROOLING A HERSHEY WATERFALL THIS ÑIGGA IS SO SEXY AND I LOVE WHEN HE SITS HIS FAT ASS ON TOP OF ME TYSON U JUST JEALOUS YOU AIN’T GOT NO ONE LIKE BRYANT U RETARDED LOOKING ASS BITCH I DARE YOU TO GET A PARTNER AS LOYAL AND INNOCENT AS EDP FREE MY ÑIGGA BIG HOMIE CHEESE HEAD 474747 HE INNOCENT.

A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”

St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

Yo what quacking lacking? Looking for a ducking good time? I've got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill. What happens flied upside down? It quacks up.

What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.

I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!

I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!

What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?

9/11 victim!

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

What do you call an orphan's family region?

Me time.

You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a Monday and didn't end 'til Sunday.

Yo mama so fat, One Punch Man had to punch 3 times.