Tie jokes
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
Into little Nazis.
I like my women like I like my wine.
Twelve years old and tied up in my basement.
What bumps up and down at 100km an hour?
A baby tied to the back of a speeding truck.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
What's worse than 5 babies tied to 5 trees?
1 baby tied to 5 trees.
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)
A man asks to play kick the bucket (not death).
The other man agrees. They go to the top of Mt. Everest. The man who asked ties the bucket to the other one's foot. Then he kicks it off the cliff, which brings the man with it. LOL
THE END
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
How do Germans tie their shoes? Answer: In Nazis!
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.