"Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else."
Tie Jokes
What type of bow can't be tied?
Rainbow.
You’re so short, I bet you don’t have to bend to tie your shoelaces.
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
"Hey man, what’s your name? Oh, my name is... Do your balls hang low? Can you swing it to and fro? Can you tie it in a knot? Can you tie it in a bow?"
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
Son: Mom, what is dark humor?
Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!
Mom: Exactly!
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, I tried. I tried harder this time. I'll try again. Sorry, I can't delete things.
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
Imperial Pilot: What do you think about the new Tie fighter?
Palpatine: Flew it.
Why tie when you can knot?
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
Into little Nazis.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
