Throw jokes
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw a wok down the stairs.
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.
Are you acid, cause I want to throw [you] at my face?
Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.
Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing away the bent ones!
When I throw a dodge ball at a person taller than me, it's always a nut shot.
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
I think I am a boomerang because I always come back to you.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
I throw a flashbang in a room full of epileptics...
They were shaking in excitement!
So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"
A Russian, a Cuban, and an Englishman are on a ship. The Russian takes a swig of vodka and throws the bottle overboard. The Cuban and Englishman with astonishment say to the Russian, "What did you do that for?"
The Russian says, "In Russia, we got an unlimited supply of vodka."
A little while later, the Cuban lights up a cigar, takes a puff, and throws it overboard. The Cuban says, "We got an unlimited supply of Cuban Cigars in Cuba."
Then the Englishman grabs a Paki and throws him overboard...
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.