Throw Jokes

Yesterday I purchased a world map And told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands I will take her turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade. John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.

"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."

After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.

"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing then his friend calls and he is groaning he said he was having cramps so the husband tell the docter "doc turn it up to 40%" so he does and his friend throws up so he said "doc turn it up to 100%" and his friend dies

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need. Grenades, guns, ammo unless it was bolted down it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude. When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?", he asks. "Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.

Are you a Bullet because you go straight throw my head

An Aussie an Asian and a Frenchmen are in a bar. The Asian throws his risky in the air and shoots it, the Frenchmen asks “why did u do that?” The Asian says “there are plenty of them where we come from. The Frenchmen throws his champayne in the air and shoots it then the Aussie asks “why did u do that?” The Frenchmen replies “there are plenty of them where we come from”. The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian then the Frenchmen asked “why did u do that?” The Aussie then replies “there are plenty of them where we come from”

What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building? -- Catching it with a pitchfork.

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 3: LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺 DISLIKE: When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering but you walk toward his gun; “I will finish what you started.”

Vote for the better joke

how do you name a chinese kid?

throw a frying pan on their head, ching chong!

how many baby's does it take to paint a wall depends on how hard you throw them

As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.

I’ll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man. and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can I’ll pat you, and prick you , and mark you with my "D" And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

what do you say after you throw a egg at someone? yolks on you!

When I saw your face it instantly made me throw up

when someone throws something at your forehead it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead

Patient: doctor every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up what's wrong with me? Doctor: I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.