Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages. One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
If you’re serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality. If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you’d be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn’t moving .
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
I don’t know, either. It depends on how hard you throw them.
Me, holding a baby: “Oh my God it’s so cute!”
Also me: “Throw it.”
How many babies does it take to paint a wall, depneds on how hard you throw them
Aliana so fat she can’t fit throw a hola hop.
Today was like every other day
It was so terribly long and so terribly dreary
I fear these feelings will never end
I’ll always feel so dark feel so hopeless
Sometimes all I want is for it to end
For all of it to end for all of my thoughts to end
I despise the way that always comes to mind
But I feel so lost feel so hopeless
If something would just work
But nothing has worked
Nothing can fix this These feelings will pass. These days won’t feel so endless… or so absolutely heavy. Just give it some time. Just give it some hope…. and some belief. The ‘happy pills’ will work. The doctor says they’ll help… they’ll help it go away. Just dump the pill in your hand. Let yourself place the little white thing on your tongue… Let yourself throw your head back and swallow. It’ll make this better. It should make me feel better. Everything has changed! The world is so bright— The world is so loud! I don’t know how I never noticed! The sun is so warm— The grass is so green I feel so awake! I feel so content— I feel so happy! It’s so strange! I’m not anxious— I’m not overthinking! I guess those pills really worked! I think I’m really getting better— I think I’m really going to be happy!
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.
Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?
It reminded him of Richard clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife
A duck walks into a bar and says “Got any bread?” The bartender says “No bread here.” And then the duck says “Got any bread?” And the bartender says “Didn’t I just fing say that there was no bread here?" And the duck says “Got any bread?!” And the bartender says "You stupid duck! Or should I say d? There’s no bread here. Don’t make me say that again, or I’ll pin you to the wall with a nail.” So the duck says “Got any nails?” And then the bartender looks surprised, and says “Of course I’ve got f***ing nails. Can’t you see them?” And the duck says “Got any bread?” And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
what do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean? A wet pebble
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, cute lady! Woman: Leave me alone, you ugly two faced man! I already have a boyfriend. Man: Not for long! And then the man shoots the woman’s boyfriend. Woman: How dare you murder such a beautiful man! Man: Now you shall be my girlfriend. Woman: Never. And then the man takes the seat that the woman’s boyfriend was sitting in before. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder. Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly woman? Bleuch! Woman: What’s it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men? And then the man orders flowers and candy. Bartender: We don’t serve flowers, or candy. And the man shoots the bartender. Another man can’t believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man, and throws him out.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall
Depends how hatd you throw them
How are babies and elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars
How do you throw a space party?
You planet 🤣🤣🤣
what happens when you throw water on Stephen Hawking? he says oh fuck fuck fuck
VOTING SEMIFINAL 2
LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺 DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke
Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock the man who knife raped his wife.
How many babys does it take to paint a wall red. Depends how hard you can throw them.
Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window? It reminded him of Arnold Clock the man convicted of knife raping his wife.