My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.
Threat Jokes
If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!
A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"
I will mummyfry you!
I SAID GO TO BED BEFORE I SLAP THOSE SPOTS OFF OF YOU!
Roses are red, I reload fast...
I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
I'mma monch ur nan's feet at 3 am tonight, ngl.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
If you don't like the video in 10 seconds, James Charles will sleep with you tonight.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
Man 1: You look like Scott Cawthon.
Man 2: I'm gonna put your dick in a Coffin!
Man 3: Me first!
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!
