This jokes

Please, this is disgusting. This is only men who think that it’s fun to do jokes about rape. It’s really fucking dramatic for a man/woman to get raped, so please just shut the fuck up!

My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.

Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?

Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.

If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.

No, seriously,

I'm right behind ya.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill.

Jack stopped and said to drunkin' Jill, "To build this still will take so long."

Jill said to Jack, "Well, f--k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill!"

The last number of your like is the Amogus you get.

1: Amogus trollface

2: Frogus

3: Amogus in 2013

4: Chogus

5: Classic Amogus

6: Wait this isn't Amogus

7: Amogus drip

8: Amog sus

9: Amog stuff

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

This is not a joke. Stop online dating.

"Hi, this is Stephanie. I was a little bit of a walk."

What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?

"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"

"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."

I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.

"Korn Kob Kyle??? You know what this means!"

yikes...

#PlugWalk

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

This is an a-maze-ing joke!

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

You might find this joke a rib-tickler, but I sure do.

Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.

People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!

1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.

Ask an orphan this: "What's the difference between cancer and your dad? Cancer comes back!"

Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.