Think jokes

Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?

I think it got lockjaw after that.

My friend thinks he is funny.

He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.

Q. What do you call a goose that thinks he's a goat?

A. A Billy Goose.

I think if the center of the earth froze, it would be pretty hard core.

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?

Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.

What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43?

Floor 44.

Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.

I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.

What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"

Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.

How do you think they found out cows produce milk?

Two kids having fun in the barn.

After 6 months of lockdown,

I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself.

Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for BLESSEDBRIAN. I think he owes it an apology.

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.

If you think your life is bad, then people are discussing the gender of Mr. Potato Head.

Call me fat? You call me fat because you think that you’re pretty, but you ain’t. You’re just a musty, dusty, rusty Cardi B.

What did the janitor think when he was mopping the 101st floor?

The 102nd.