Think jokes

Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.

I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

Like if you think Joel was a hero for saving Ellie instead of saving the world.

I think my dad loves jokes.

Because he laughs when he looks at me.

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

Yo forehead so big you think in HD.

Your hairline is so far back that if you wore yellow, people would think you were One Punch Man.

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.

One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.

What does a skeleton tile his roof with?

Tiles.

WTF did you think he’d tile it with?

Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.

A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.

The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”

What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?

Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?