If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?
The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
My orphan terrorist friend is on TV... I think he blew up.
One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with?
Tiles.
WTF did you think he’d tile it with?
Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?
Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?
You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.
Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.
Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.
Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
What did the janitor think when he was mopping the 101st floor?
The 102nd.
Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.
Call me fat? You call me fat because you think that you’re pretty, but you ain’t. You’re just a musty, dusty, rusty Cardi B.
If you think your life is bad, then people are discussing the gender of Mr. Potato Head.
