Think jokes

Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.

What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"

Kaleb: Addison, are you okay???

Addison: Not at all. People think I'm annoying and stupid! Do you?

Kaleb: Yes, once I pound you in the ass.

Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?

Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.

What do you think was going through the heads of the 9/11 victims on floor 43?

Floor 44.

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

My friend thinks he is funny.

He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

I've done a skele-TON of work to think of this joke. Trust me, I've got a FEW more jokes!

What did one droplet say to the other?

"Water you thinking?"

Do you think the ocean is salty because the beach never waves back?

I think if the center of the earth froze, it would be pretty hard core.

Q. What do you call a goose that thinks he's a goat?

A. A Billy Goose.

Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?

I think it got lockjaw after that.

How do you think they found out cows produce milk?

Two kids having fun in the barn.

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.

Okay, okay, why [are] people askin[g] where I went[?] I[']m always on this website. Never think I[']m not.