Things jokes
Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.
So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.
Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"
And I said: "They're the exact same thing."
Then they said: "But when did it happen?"
So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
So, a guy is taking a piss in a public bathroom. He looks over and sees a short guy with a very large green dick, who looks up at him and says, “Is there a problem, boyoh?”
“I’m sorry, it’s just that thing is huge, and why the hell is it green?!” The man replies, “I’m a leprechaun.”
“Really?” says the man.
“That’s right. And I’ll grant you three wishes if you let me stick it in your pooper.”
“Anything I want?! Three of them?” replies the man.
“Anything in your wildest dreams, boyoh, but you have to let me finish.”
The man bends over, and the leprechaun puts it in. Thrusting back and forth, he asks for the man’s first wish.
“I want a giant yacht!”
“Aye,” says the leprechaun. “It’s pulling into your own private harbor now.”
“For my second wish, I want a billion dollars,” the man says, beginning to sweat.
“Aye, it’s stacked inside the yacht waiting for you,” the leprechaun replies.
“Okay,” the man groans in pain. “For my final wish, I want this yacht to be full of beautiful women.”
“You betcha, boyoh,” says the leprechaun. “The girls are there waiting for you nooWWW,” as he lets out a moan of pleasure.
The man, exhausted and sore, says, “That was rough, but worth it for those wishes. Where do I go?”
The little man with the giant green dick, pulling up his pants, his accent now gone says: “Aren’t you a little old to be believing in leprechauns?”
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head? A pentagon! (9/11 joke)
What is a duck's favorite thing to smoke?
Quack.
What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"
There's a sexy milf that lives next door. The only thing better is her 8 Y/O.
What's the most common thing between Hitler and an emo?
Hitler knows when to kill himself!
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
If you have a teacher who is a Karen, comment what the worst thing that they did to you or your entire class. I know this isn’t a joke, but why not?