Q: What's a pedophile's favorite thing about Halloween?
A: Free delivery.
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?
Their ankles.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
