Thing jokes
So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.
If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?
The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
Answer: The family tree!
Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?
Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.
Tell it to your parents and friends!
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Why are orphans so fond of shadows?
They're the only thing that accompanies them always.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The silence.
Jerry: What's the best thing about Switzerland?
Charles: I dunno.
Jerry: Well, the flag is a big plus.
The one good thing about an orphan is that they don't get roasted with a "yo mama" joke.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
Why do terrorists like the Twin Towers?
It's the next thing they blow up.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
What is one good thing about child molesters?
They drive slow past schools.