Thing jokes
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.
Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?
Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.
Tell it to your parents and friends!
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
Why are orphans so fond of shadows?
They're the only thing that accompanies them always.
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
Answer: The family tree!
I can't remember the last full conversation I had with my grandfather.
Good thing is, since he hit his head, he can't remember either.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
Question: What's the smallest thing on earth?
Answer: Your brain.
The thing my mom birthed.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
What is one good thing about child molesters?
They drive slow past schools.
What's the second hardest thing in the morning?
The first hardest thing. 🍆
Jerry: What's the best thing about Switzerland?
Charles: I dunno.
Jerry: Well, the flag is a big plus.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.