Thing jokes
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!
Bro, your hairline and an athletics track have one thing in common: they look like Humpty Dumpty.
What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Leo must be a parking ticket... not because of the “fine” thing, nah, it’s because she’s OVERSTAYED her WELCOME.
Why can you never trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
What do Roblox bots do that's both a type of meat and an annoying thing?
Spam.
What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.
Bender.
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
If I agreed with Leo, then that wouldn’t solve anything. It would just make BOTH of us dumb.
"I think my baby is so similar to me!"
"True, but the most important thing is that he is healthy!"
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
The only thing worse for a man than the end of the world is a testicular clinic.
What's the worst thing about 9/11?
All of the stupid "Airplane" jokes.
I think I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
The only thing the orphan learned from his dad is the hide-and-seek skill to hide for 18 years. He tried it out; now he has infinite milk.
My friend was getting bullied so I went over and asked him to stop. It went a little bit like this:
Me: Dude, leave her alone. Him: Beat it, b*tch. *lots of arguing and swearing* Me: Ya know! The smartest thing that ever came outta your mouth was probably a penis. Him: *walks away*
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."