Thing Jokes

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the care outside a pregnancy care center? A. Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger.

Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?

Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

what's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

A guy is walking down the street, when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "looks like shit." Crouches down and smells it, "smells like shit." Sticks his finger in, tastes it, "tastes like shit." He then smiled and said, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it".

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Hi, this is a good prank I did. So, my brother LOVES his phone and so..... I put it in the toilet and then flushed it, but it wouldn't go down. So, Then I gave it to him and he threw it and then it broke. HAHAHAHAHAHA (Prankster, tell me if you don't like me doing pranks because it is your thing) Bye guys! I hope you liked this prank! (And his phone did not really break, it just cracked really bad lol)

So my ex who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though will has a better haircut then me but anyway when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat. Then I told her she has the wendys logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit I was done Anyways she cried lol

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and i will try to make a joke based off the object.

If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.

I will give the person credit each joke i do.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A man told his love interest she looked beautiful. And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him. And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny. Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.

2 cows are standing in a field.

Cow 1: did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: good thing i'm a helicopter.

whats the grossest thing ever? A bag of dead babies whats even more gross? The bottom one is still wriggling

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

One day johnny told his dad this girl in his class who liked him he thoe she was cute she sead aw your like candy he doesn't say any thing he sead why don't u think I am sweat like candy little Johnny say well some time I get a tooth ake and it hurt so I stop eating it like I stobed liking u