Thing jokes

Orphan

Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.

Friend: What was the first?

Me: They- they weren't always orphans.

Friend: O-O

Sex

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

Memes

Sex

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

Life

Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.

This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).

Size

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

Exorcism

What's the opposite of an exorcism?

When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...

Boyfriend

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

Rat

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

Orphan

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

School

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,

"It's an elevator, not a lift!"

and

"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"

He keeps going on until the Englishman says,

"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."

Robot

I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."

Ligma

"What's 9 + 10?"

"21" (lol XD)

Also:

"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)

One more thing:

Ninja has ligma.

Obama

What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.

Shooting

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

Pussy

I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.

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