Thing jokes
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Memes
Unless you wanna die
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.
A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.
The Twin Towers traded planes with Afghanistan. The only thing is Afghanistan got scammed.
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
What do you call a disabled Chinese person?
Som Ting Wong.
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.
Things you say before sex, Disney addition:
"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"
Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.
Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.
Friend: What was the first?
Me: They- they weren't always orphans.
Friend: O-O
Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?