Thing jokes
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.
I can now cross it off my bucket list
A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.
The Twin Towers traded planes with Afghanistan. The only thing is Afghanistan got scammed.
I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.
Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.
Friend: What was the first?
Me: They- they weren't always orphans.
Friend: O-O
Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?
Things you say before sex, Disney addition:
"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"
I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
"What's 9 + 10?"
"21" (lol XD)
Also:
"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)
One more thing:
Ninja has ligma.
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."