Thing jokes
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.
Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.
Friend: What was the first?
Me: They- they weren't always orphans.
Friend: O-O
Things you say before sex, Disney addition:
"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"
I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.
It didn't work.
Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.
Memes
Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?
I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
"What's 9 + 10?"
"21" (lol XD)
Also:
"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)
One more thing:
Ninja has ligma.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.