Thing jokes
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The ten minutes of silence.
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.
The Twin Towers traded planes with Afghanistan. The only thing is Afghanistan got scammed.
Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.