Thing jokes

What's the opposite of an exorcism?

When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.

What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:

1. A Lambo

2. A House

3. UR MOM

A lot of things changed when I got my girlfriend pregnant: my name, my address, and my phone number.

The Twin Towers traded planes with Afghanistan. The only thing is Afghanistan got scammed.

When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.

I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.

I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."

Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.

This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).

Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.

Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?

I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.

It didn't work.

Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.

What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.