Thing jokes

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

There are 3 things wrong with this world.

1. Spelling

2. Maths.

The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.

It would be pretty funny if something that's not a joke was the most liked thing. It would be pretty funny, I think, lol. Just a little funny, lol.

If you are what you eat, then I’m black.

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

What two things can you never have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner!

My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.

What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.

Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...

Rules of dark humor.

1. Everything shall be touched.

2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, flags big plus.

Why should a feminist never be allowed to join the UAW United Auto Workers?

Because the only thing that a feminist will do in the UAW United Auto Workers, is eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom and she will only pay her membership dues, if she is allowed to eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom.

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”