Thing jokes
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
What do you call a disabled Chinese person?
Som Ting Wong.
I can now cross it off my bucket list
What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The ten minutes of silence.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)
The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.
It would be pretty funny if something that's not a joke was the most liked thing. It would be pretty funny, I think, lol. Just a little funny, lol.
If you are what you eat, then I’m black.
My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.
There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.