Thing jokes

I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.

It didn't work.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

"What's 9 + 10?"

"21" (lol XD)

Also:

"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)

One more thing:

Ninja has ligma.

I have a pussy. It's very hairy. It has a long thing sticking out of it. It's also very hair. My hairy pussy meows and purrs.

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, flags big plus.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

Rules of dark humor.

1. Everything shall be touched.

2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

There are 3 things wrong with this world.

1. Spelling

2. Maths.

What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

The only thing brighter than my cuteness is the fire on the Twin Towers.

It would be pretty funny if something that's not a joke was the most liked thing. It would be pretty funny, I think, lol. Just a little funny, lol.

If you are what you eat, then I’m black.