Thing jokes

A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?

- A boner.

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.

(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!

Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.

What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?

"Windows Shut Down."

What's the best thing about 20-1 year olds... there's 20.

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,

"It's an elevator, not a lift!"

and

"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"

He keeps going on until the Englishman says,

"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."

My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

What's the opposite of an exorcism?

When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...

What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.

What do you call a disabled Chinese person?

Som Ting Wong.

What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.

Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:

1. A Lambo

2. A House

3. UR MOM

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”