Thing jokes
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
What an upside to being an orphan!
There's things called family-size bags.
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?
A full house.
So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
Nothing, she was hung over.
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?
Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.