Thing jokes
You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.
What an upside to being an orphan!
There's things called family-size bags.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?
A full house.
Memes
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?
Fall Guys.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
Nothing, she was hung over.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.