Thing jokes

What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?

His arse.

"If you yeet one thing that has been yoted, the yeet gods will help you" - Chris Tyson, MrBeast's friend, and your mom >:)

Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!

I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

What's the same about boxes and children?

They're both found in basements.

Why couldn't the twins never do anything right?

Because they were triplets!

I love still things.

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.

Try to make a joke, but not about yourself.

Well, I have nothing.

What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?

The waffle iron.

Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?

Except at a funeral.

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

It's always the little things that make us laugh.

Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?

Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.

What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?

Fall Guys.

What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?

"Make me one with everything."

Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

There's a sexy milf that lives next door. The only thing better is her 8 Y/O.