Thing jokes
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
A man and a cow walk into a McDonalds, and the man walks up to the front counter and says, “I’d like one beef burger.” The employee of McDonalds said, “Sure thing sir, also I really like to see your cow, may I bring him into the back room really quick to show my co-workers?” The man says, “Sure.” The employee takes the cow into the back room. A couple minutes later, the employee came back with his burger. The man took a bite of it, and realized his cow was gone.
I hate these double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
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What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
What's the good thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's twenty of them!
Things you never want to do in jail:
- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
There are 3 things wrong with this world.
1. Spelling
2. Maths.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?
There's twenty of them.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”