They jokes
Your momma is so slutty, they hired her as a condom tester.
Why are priests so bad at racing? They are always in the 'little behind'.
America's police phone number is 911 because that is the day they lost everything.
Why were the Twin Towers made on 9/11? They ordered pepperoni pizza but got plane.
Barack Obama and Tork Poettschke are at the Natural History Museum. They stop in front of a showcase.
"These are the eggs from the ostrich!"
"Aha, and where are Trump's eggs?"
Memes
What do birds and planes have in common?
They both fly into building windows.
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.
Bored? Run over an orphan with your car! What are they going to do, tell their nonexistent parents?
Why is America bad at Clash of Clans?
Because they already lost two towers.
What do you call an orphan when they eat a meal? A family dinner.
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
Last week I went on a whale watch.
After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
Why did Justin Bieber start playing hide and seek with his fans?
Because they keepped.
Your hairline's so far up, they call it a skyline!
Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
Your hairline and forehead must be friends, because they go way back further than the universe.
I bet when you take a bath, they give you the whole pool. No, better yet, the ocean!