They jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was flaming hot wings.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.
Why are Germans so good at cleaning?
They have experience in ethnic cleansing.
What do you call a baby Mexican? A paragraph because they aren’t a full essay.
What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...
What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common?
They both are plastic and like kids.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
What do a bike and a rubber duck have in common? They both have a handlebar, except for the duck.
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Because they worship cows.
One day, there are friends having fun.
Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."
And they all agree.
Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.