They jokes
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
The Twin Towers ordered two pepperoni pizzas, but all they got was plane.
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."
Do depressed people hate swimming?
They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...
Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
Three gay men enter a bar in Iran. They don't come out.
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
What do Americans and Rubik's Cubes have in common?
They both have a history of separating colors.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
Man, I love telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Some people put zodiacs on everything.
They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
Why do orphans only have 362 days of the year?
... bc they don’t have Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or Thanksgiving.
Why don't churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.