They didn't have a category for Bald, so I chose the Bald Eagle.
Did you know that bald people have an endless forehead?
They Jokes
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
Why don’t orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call “daddy.”
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
Who are the fastest readers in history?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 10 seconds.
Why is America so bad at playing Jenga?
Because they already lost two towers.
So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.
What can't play home in baseball? They don't have one.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to go? An orphanage. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?
So they can spell "home."
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?
Because they are not going to work.
I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Because I know they haven't.
The Earth was flat until they buried you.
Everyone punch orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why can orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why do orphans like belts?
They remind them of their father.
