They jokes
3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? No? They both got six months.
This city slicker broke down on a country road. He looked around, and in the distance, he spotted a farm house. When he finally got there, he asked the farmer if he had a phone he could use because his had no reception.
The farmer told him he could use it if he married his daughter. The guy said he really didn’t wanna get married, and the farmer said, "If you marry my daughter, I’ll give you half my farm..." The guy said, "Lemme see her..." The farmer hollered, “Hey you, get over here...” and she said, “Duh, ok.” The ol' boy looked at her and said, "Nooo thank you."
The father said, “I’ll give you all my farm and my bank account if you’ll marry my daughter....” The ol' boy thought for a minute and said, “Well I guess I can put a sack over her head.” So they married and the farmer kept his word and gave him everything.
One day the guy was up fixin' the roof and hollered, “Hey you, get me some nails...” His wife said, “Duh, nails, nails?” He said, “Yes, nails,” and showed her one. She said, “Oh, duh, nails, nails.” He said, “Yes, nails.” So she got him some. He was hammering away when he hit his thumb, and he yells, “Oh F*** it!” and she turned and hollered, “Duh, a sack, a sack, duh, a sack!”
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.
In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore? They are a total rip off.
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
What do teenage girls and happy meals have in common?
They both come with a toy.
The only difference between my grandma and the Twin Towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
Why can't orphans play online games? Because they don't have parents to sign them up.
Are you angry?
Go bully an orphan!
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?