They jokes
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
Why can’t orphans be gay? Because they have no closet to come out of.
How do bees 🐝 get to school?
They ride the school buzz!
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
What is so similar about a concrete block and a garden?
They both make vegetables.
Kid: Why do orphans like tennis?
Dad: Because it's the only time they get "love."
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.
Women be like, "Porn is how we get money," then get angry when boys treat women like shit because they seen it on porn.
Why do orphans not play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
There's a saying that goes, "Only gay men know how to dress." Of course they know how to dress! They were in the closet!
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.