They jokes
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they don’t like dicks.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.
Why can’t Americans play chess?
They lost 2 towers.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.