They jokes
Why shouldn't you trust trees? Because they seem shady.
What do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?
They blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
What do you call a baby Mexican? A paragraph because they aren’t a full essay.
Why are Americans stupid? They shoot everyone that goes to school.
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both shove their meat between 10-year-old buns.
Q: Why do I always see gays in the roundabout?
A: They couldn’t go straight.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
They both used to be straight.
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.
Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.
Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"
The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.
Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?