They jokes
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
Why can’t moons walk?
'Cuz they have no legs, stupid!
Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"
They replied, "I don’t know."
I said, "Fsh."
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Why do mountains get so big?
They have no natural predators.
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
Why do leaves change color in the fall?
Because they want to leaf their old color.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
I was in a maze and I got to the end and they congratulated me. I said that was a-maze-ing!
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.
Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?
A: Because they are humerus.