They jokes
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be expect bagels.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
Never trust an atom; they make up everything.
When a person asked to see her balance at a bank, they pushed him over.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.