They jokes
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?
Zero, they were copycats.
Why do cows have hooves?
Because they lactose!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.
How do crazy people get through a forest?
They take the psycho-path!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
I don't trust atoms. They always make stuff up.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock.
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrrrrr!
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
How do Chinese people play in Spy?
They can't.
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"
Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"
Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."
You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.