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There is a ghost baseball game and one team loses because of one player so they start booing him!

How do Asian people name their children?

They throw a pan down the stairs.

What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.

I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.

I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.

Who are the fastest readers? Nine-eleven victims, because they fell through 720 stories in under 10 seconds.

Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?

A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.

Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

Papyrus: Because they looked like me?

Sans: ... Sure.

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    • What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

    They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

    Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?

    A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?

    It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

    I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.

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    • Beth was from Spain and she had a pig. What did they call her?

    Beth-la-ham

    There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

    God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.

    Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?

    He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

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