They jokes
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered Domino's and got "gets".
Why were the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered Dominos and got Jets.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Cause they taste funny.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?
They are a total rip off.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.
Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."
When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”