They jokes
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Because they worship cows.
What did one pillow say to the other?
Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
Why can't gay people play Baseball? They can't throw the ball straight.
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The 9/11 victims, they went through 700 stories in 10 seconds.
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims, they went through 72 stories in less than 10 seconds.
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove box.