Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
Why don't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb. None, because they can't change anything.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
Three cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.
Cowboy 1 says, "I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands."
Cowboy 2 says, "I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb."
Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.
I’ve never had Indonesian food. Huh...
Neither have they.(:
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common. They never get old.
I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.
Why do pedophiles never cum first?
Because they like to cum in a little behind.
This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.
Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."
A blind person walks into a bar.
Because they can’t see where they are going.
You can always bully an orphan. Who are they gonna tell, their parents?!
