They jokes
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!
"Hey guys, I'm a new jokester, remember my name as I'll be making a lot more!!! P.S. They will be much better than this one!"
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food!
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
Where do you go if you lost a pencil?
Office Works! They have solved loads of pencil cases.
We were talking about ancient ruins last week, so I said they can ruin your day!
Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?
'Cause they can't elope.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the only contraction they know.
Why do dogs howl?
Because that's the other contraction they know.
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, and all they got was plane.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...
Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"
Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"