They jokes
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Why don’t mountains 🏔 take anything serious?
Because they think they’re hill areas! 😂
Why didn't anyone laugh at pizza jokes?
Because they were too cheesy!
Why don’t orphans play football?
They have no home field.
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is. Sorry for the dark joke :>
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
Why does NASA only serve Coke?
Because they can't get Seven-Up!
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home base.
Life is like a box of chocolates, they f*cking melt :)
Q: Why are the 49ers called the 49ers?
A: 'Cause they can't make it past the 50-yard line.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."
So I said, "Okay."
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?
They get jalapeño business.