They jokes
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.
Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!
Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.
Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.
The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.
Doctor: I will... dad...
Tq for reading my crappy joke.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
Q: Why don't orphans turn up to parents evening?
A: Because they don't have any parents.
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job?
Snoozin' B. Anthony!
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
They didn't have a category for Bald, so I chose the Bald Eagle.
Did you know that bald people have an endless forehead?
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...
Roses are red, Velvet is blue, So are violets.
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.
A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.