They jokes
What is a cup called when they show a ton of emotions?
Answer: Expresso! (KILL MEH)
Two rabbits were racing. Neither could get ahead, so they ended in a hare-tie!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why are monkeys funny? Because they look weird.
A man with a gun and a sword walks into a bar, sees a girl, and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, you are one beautiful girl. Will you be my girlfriend?"
Girl: "No, because you have a gun and a sword."
Man: "But I am already in love with you."
And then the man leaves to get the girl flowers and candy.
The girl is glad that he has gone, until thirty minutes later, when he shows up again.
Man: "Here are some flowers for you, beautiful girl."
And the girl throws the flowers in his face, and then everyone in the bar laughs, even the bartender.
Man: "And here is some candy."
And the girl throws the candy in his face, and everyone in the bar laughs again, and some teenagers walking down the street see it as well, and then they start laughing too.
One of the teenagers says "Hahaha, that is so funny. Seeing a man give a girl candy, and the girl throwing it in his face to show him that she hates him."
Girl: "I hate you, ugly man!"
Man: "Bartender, can I get some candy for my girl?"
The bartender laughs when he hears that, and then he says "Are you crazy? We don't serve-"
And then the man shoots the bartender with his gun and stabs him with his sword. An old man walking down the street can't believe what he just saw, so he calls the police to arrest the man who killed the bartender.
999 Service Guy: "999, what's your emergency?"
Old man: "I just walked past a bar, and I saw a man shoot and stab the bartender. Can you please get the police to arrest him? Tell them he is the man with a gun and a sword in his bag."
999 Service Guy: "Okay, no worries."
1 Hour later, the first man tries to dance the tango with the girl, and the girl kicks him in the leg, and then he tries to kiss her, and she punches him in the face.
Guy sitting at a table in the bar: "That man is crazy. Trying to kiss a girl who hates him."
And the police show up.
First Policeman: "Which man has a gun and a sword in his bag?"
The girl points to the man and says "This man."
Second Policeman: "Let's arrest him."
Man: "No, wait! I can explain."
Third Policeman: "Get in the back of the car."
When the police get to the Police Station with the man, the first policeman says "You will stay in prison for 10 years."
One week later, the man breaks the bars and escapes prison.
The police see him and run after him.
Third Policeman: "Come back here!"
The man doesn't listen, and he keeps running, so the police shoot him and he dies.
And instead of saying rest in peace on his gravestone, it says rest in pieces.
Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.
And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.
What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.
I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.
They brought it over but spilled it on me.
I said that was a udder failure!
Why do brides wear white?
So they match the kitchen appliances.
Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony?
They are both jokers.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why don't stags buy drugs? Because they are too deer.
There were ten cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, 'cause they are all copycats.
The happier they get, the less they see.
Why can't cheetahs run forever? Because they run out of breath!