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They jokes

I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

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    • Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

    Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

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    • A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

    A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."

    Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?

    A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.

    How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.

    The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

    The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

    "Yellow and far apart."

    A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

    Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

    However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

    She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

    The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

    "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

    So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

    After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

    She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

    "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

    "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

    "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

    Now, how about that drink?

    Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

    6 feet under.

    *That is how deep they put the coffin...*

    Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

    Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

    So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.

    “What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.

    “Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.

    So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”

    “Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”

    A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"

    I have a trans friend.

    He is in a polyamorous relationship and would be straight if they had a dick.

    Two muffins are sitting in a bar.

    The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."

    The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.