They jokes
Why do white people carry Confederate flags?
To remind us that they are losers.
What does a wife and a boombox have in common?
They only work when you beat them.
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.
You know why Ted Cruz left Texas?
Because they never take a chill pill.
I got kicked outta the poker game.
They said I was a little cheetah.
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.
My name is Devonair.
When I get a haircut, it's always bald.
Kids make fun of me, they call me "dang-near bald head."
My name is Devonair *dev-on-near*
I always thought they were making fun of me because of my name pronounced near.
Why are half of the orphans blind? Because they can't find their parents.
Why don't midgets use tampons?
Answer: They are always tripping over the string.
Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it? Inter-net?
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Why was the people's wedding so miserable...
'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.
3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."
Why didn't the two 4's feel like dinner?
Answer: Because they already ate.
Why are you making all these bad jokes about orphans? What did they ever do to you?
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay people can play Star Wars.
Why do planets circle the sun?
'Cause they like the game of ring-around-the-rosy.
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?