They jokes
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
What is the similarity between Hitler and orphans?
They both don't have parents.
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.
Royal rebel and push so back, they ever marble say that drink pushback.
Your teeth are so yellow they slow down traffic.
I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?
Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik’s cubes?
Because they have a history of separating colors.
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
You’ve really gotta hand it to short people because they usually can’t reach it anyway.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.
Why can't an orphan play soccer on the home side of the field? They don't have a home!
Why do the orphans fuck in their cars?
Because they don't know what a home is.
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.