Thereness jokes
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.
Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!
Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.
There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Well, you don't have to cry about it, Gary.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Jake who woke up one morning to find his wife and her wheelchair missing. He searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, he put up posters all over town offering a reward.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" "Grandma." "Oh, okay."
Nah, it's a penis.
Why did Michael Jackson go to the movies? He saw there was minor nudity.
People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dumplin.
Dumplin who?
Dumplin the killer.
One day there was a boy who needed the toilet, so he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says "yes, but before you go, what are the first 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy replies, "I don't know, miss..." The teacher says that he will have to wait.
Later, the boy goes home to his mom who is on the phone. He asks, "What is the first letter in the alphabet?" His mom says, "Oh, shut up!" So the boy goes to his dad who is playing darts and says, "What is the second letter in the alphabet?" His dad says "180!" So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks, "What is the 3rd letter in the alphabet?" The sister says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The next day, the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again, so he goes to ask if he can go, and the teacher says, "Yes, but before you go, what are the 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy says, "Oh, shut up!" The teacher is angry about that, so she says, "What is the second one?" "180!" says the boy, and the teacher asks him where he is from, and the boy says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The end.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
Q: Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to the countryside?
A: There’s no signal.
What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Me.
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
Me: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Me: Not your family.
The "f" in orphan stands for family.
Except there is no "f."
Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."