Thereness jokes
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
Why can't America play chess?
There are missing two towers.
There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.
Ya know, genders are kind of like the Twin Towers.
There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a touchy subject.
Genders are a lot like the Twin Towers.
There used to be two, but now it’s just a sensitive topic.
Yo mama so fat, when she was just there, she made the whole earth go back to the ice age!
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.
Why is the iPhone X the perfect phone for an orphan?
Because there is no home button.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.
I made a website for orphans.
There’s no homepage.
Akbar: How many crows are there, Birbal?
Birbal: 8,971.
Akbar: What if there are fewer?
Birbal: Then some crows went on vacation to visit their relatives.
Akbar: What if there are more?
Birbal: Then some came on vacation here to visit their relatives.
What’s the best part of stage four cancer?
A: There’s no stage five.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
Why can't you play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
What do you tell a depressed person?
Just hang in there!
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!