Thereness jokes
Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.
Son: Why, Dad?
Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ya. Ya who? Sorry, I prefer Google.
Knock knock! Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock knock!
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.
Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
Sister: "Has anyone seen my clothes?"
Brother: "They're still in my bed."
A lady runs into a police station and yells, "Help, help! I've been graped!"
A police officer says, "Do you mean raped?"
The girl then replies, "No, there was a bunch of 'em!"