Thereness jokes
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!
"I heard a noise in the basement! I'm gonna go to my friend's house and play Minecraft with him until the noise I heard goes away."
"I heard a noise in the basement. I'm gonna go down there with a bazooka and thirty thousand rounds of pistol ammo and fifty thousand pistols."
Said no horror movie character ever.
And also GTA logic.
If I had a dollar for every gender there is, I'd have two dollars and a lot of counterfeits.
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Mother.
Mother who?
Fuck off bichon, I'm your mother!
I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
I don't know?!?
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.
Okay, boys are known to measure their dicks, but do girls measure their depths?
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
Bob has no arms.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"It's not Bob."
POV: Your dad is gone.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad. LMAO.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"
"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, you're a poo.
Wife: Hi babe. Husband: Hey. Wife: Do you wanna? Husband: YES! Wife: Ok, make sure you have a towel to go to the beach. Husband: WHAT? You mean go to the beach? Wife: Yes, what did you think I meant? Husband: Oh, nothing, bye. Wife: Bye, see you there.
Why are all Asians so skinny?
Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.