Thereness jokes
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Police.
Police who?
Police stop telling these awful knock knock jokes!
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.
If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.
They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.
A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."
Guys, we need to stop telling orphan jokes, they're gonna tell their parents. Oh wait, never mind, continue.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"
The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.
The kid asked him again and so on.
Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" "Grandma." "Oh, okay."
Nah, it's a penis.
My friend went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog in a crate.
He said it was a Shitzoo!
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They're both turned on by kids.
What do you call a person with an "a" in their autism?
Why do orphans hate smart kids?
Because the smart kids get their parents' attention.