Thereness jokes
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
Why don’t you have a pet cheetah?
There cheetah you.
Do you wanna know the best thing about 28 year olds?
There are 20 8 year olds.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why did Sarah call off the swing? Because she has no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.
On April Fools' Day, there is no fool except for me.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”
The bartender says, “No, only women.”
The man then leaves.
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To visit the idiot.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
The chicken who?
*Silence*
Knock knock.
Who's there?
You.
You who?
Don't you get it? You're the joke, dumbass!
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Orange." "Orange who?" "Orange you coming?"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orphan.
Orphan who?
Are you my mommy?
Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Mom: Hey, there's IHOP.
Kid: You hop to.