Thereness jokes

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

What does the F in "orphan" stand for?

"Family," but there is no F.

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.

IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!

POV: Your dad is gone.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad. LMAO.

So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.

He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"

The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."

The person says: "What's a dilo?"

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Knock knock.

WHO'S THERE?

*Starts putting up hand signs.*

There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."

A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?

B: Why?

A: Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Not Sally.

Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?

B: I don't know, why?

A: Because Sally was driving the car.

Why can orphans only have iPhone 13s?

Because there is no home button.

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

My family is like a cactus. They're a bunch of pricks.

Stop being disrespectful to all those people and their parents. Oh, I forgot, they don't have any parents.

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"

I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!

Why is a group of Uchiha not called the Sharingang?

Why?

Because they're all Sharing... GONE :)

You walk into a room, and there’s a lot of people waiting in line to punch you... Yeah, that’s the punchline.

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"