Thereness jokes
When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.
Why couldn't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there were stairs.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not."
"Not who?"
"Not your dad."
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Interrupting cow." "Interrupting cow wh-" "Moo!" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
Three gay guys walk into a bar.
There is only one stool left, what do they do?
They flip the stool over.
I made a website for orphans, but there's no homepage.
Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?
That's okay. There is really no point to it.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Discord.
Discord who?
I need discord to plug in the phone.
People in 1 Ad: I bet we will have the best technology ever in 2023.
2023: GO BACK NOW! THERE'S 50 THOUSAND GENDERS, DUMB GEN Z, TIK TOK, WE NEED JESUS!
*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.
*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.
*Me sits down in the chair*
*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.
*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.
*walks out without paying*
*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.
*customer:* I told u she would.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
What's the best thing about 20-1 year olds... there's 20.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.
There is this boy in my year; he is in a wheelchair, so I kicked a football at him and pushed him, and then I shouted, "Rocket League!"
Your forehead is so big, the moon landing was there.
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
I wanted to fall off a cliff, sadly, there aren't any cliffs near my house.