Thereness jokes
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
Why didn't the oyster share its pearl?
Because it was a cunt.
Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?
Must be lots of drunks there.
Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the airplane!"
Ugh, I hate anons, they're so anonnoying.
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
Why do cemeteries have fences?
Because people are dying to be there.
Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?
Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne."
There used to be Wonder Woman.
Now we wonder, what is a woman?
Marriage is really educational.
When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.