Thereness jokes

Why do the orphans eat their cereal with water?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Did you know there is no "p" in the alphabet? ABCDEFGHIJKLM(NOP)!

There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?

A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”

Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?

Because everyone from Mexico that can run, jump, and swim is already over the border.

Dead people can’t cross the street because they're dead, ha ha!

Why is there no medication in Africa?

Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."

Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?

They're still hanging.

Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cabbage.

Cabbage who?

Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.

Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!

What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?

The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.

What do an orphan and a blind person have in common? They both can't see their parents.

There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?

The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!

Why can’t orphans have milk?

Because their dad never came back.

Why can't orphans ride a bike?

'Cause their parents won't follow them.

Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.

I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.

My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.

Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.