Thereness jokes
Why couldn't the dinosaur clap? They're dead!
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
Why did the Down syndrome person cross the road? Because there was a zebra crossing!
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee?
Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
Why are mountains so funny? Because they're hill-arious! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, very funny!
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
There's 10 kind of people in the world. Those who know binary and those who don't.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat? -- When there's a sail on it.
Why can't you starve in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.