Thereness jokes
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
There are more than two genders.
Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there wasn’t a ramp.
There was a Mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three.
1-2-..... and he left without a trace.
Guys, I guess with all these storms there was a power cut in his house.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Stephen Hawking.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?
People don't eat their broccoli.
What is the best part of twenty-one year olds?
There's twenty of them.
The Middle Ages were called the dark ages because there were too many knights.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not Stephen Hawking."
Did you hear how Stephen Hawking died?
There was a mix up, and he was dropped at PC World instead of A&E!
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Let me tell you a story.
There once was a bro who constantly choked on chodes.
He didn't want his bros to ever know that he constantly choked on chodes.
He lived in a dorm, and all day he watched porn, but still he would suck on some corn.
One day he would go to choke on some tasty chode, but his bros found out, gave him a shout, and kicked him out yelling that he broke the bro code.