Thereness jokes
Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
I love you!
Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."
Why is the Navy gay?
There all seamen.
My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.
Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
Because there was no chemistry...
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
Who who, I'm an owl.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you a lot!
Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?
A: There's 20 of them.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!
I was at my boyfriend's house, and I thought he was cheating on me. He was on the phone with somebody, and he said he'd be over there soon. So I asked him if I could see his phone. He said no, and then we fought about it until I saw his gun, and because I thought he was lying to me, I shot him, went through his phone, and his friend was still on the phone.
There's only one gender. Women are property.
What’s the best part about having sex with 23 year olds... there’s 20 of them.
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.
One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.
One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.
The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"
Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."
Once, there was a brother and a sister that shared a YouTube channel. He named it "Penis Dick Marathon."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."