Thereness jokes

Sign

46 views ·

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.

Timmy

55 views ·

There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.

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  • Rock Bottom

    65 views ·

    Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.

    Orphan

    1 view ·

    I went to the orphans to paint a picture of their parents so they can actually talk to them.

    Egg

    6 views ·

    How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

    Life

    59 views ·

    Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.

    Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?

    Then there is me: My life.

    Cop

    7 views ·

    So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.

    Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."

    Orphan

    29 views ·

    A kid just becomes an orphan, well, I guess it's better than being a hobo.

    I heard there is a zozo hobo who eats all your Pringles.

    Atom

    1 view ·

    There is a really, really small guy and his name is Adam, so I say, "Hey, look, it's an atom!"

    Orphan

    614 views ·

    Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

    Orphan

    29 views ·

    Why can’t orphans get in trouble?

    Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.