Thereness jokes
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!
How do you know it's full?
Because there's not mushroom inside.
Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?
There is no home button.
Knock knock.
Jou is there?
Why don't you speak English?
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
There is a young lady.
She is beautiful.
She got much vote.
But she speaks very fast.
Does she think she looks smart doing that?
She makes me feel bad.
Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!
Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.
What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.
Why did the Chicken cross the road? You: Why? To get to the little b***h's house!
Knock knock! You: Who's there? The chicken!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?
Be there or B2.
What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?
Nothing, they died.
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?
Dad: Because she was made there.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.
There are millions of people in the world, yet you are here.