Thereness jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To visit the ugly witch's house.
Knock, knock...
Who's there?
The chicken!
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
"'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)
'There is no Stephen Hawking.' - God (2018)"
Why do dogs like skeletons?
Because they're boneheads.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
There were 3 guys in detention called Zip, Willy, and Pee, and they were all being naughty. The teacher came in and said, "Zip down, Willy out, Pee in the corner."
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
A man walked into a zoo and there was only one dog.
He came out and said, "It was a shitzu."
What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?
"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Knock knock. Hwoo's there? Far from home. Hwoo's far from home? Spider-Man.
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!
Punch an orphan in the face what they gonna do? Tell there parents
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce out of school early!
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.